Thursday, April 26, 2012

Peer critique for Brenda Mendez


Yajing Zhang

Peer critique for Brenda Mendez

Voice/Tone

Obviously, you have your voice, but I think is  not that strong enough. After I read, I can understand The narrator feels racism is in the way to individual identity, he does not communicate, he is homeless, doesn’t stand out, and lives underground, all making him invisible. Your thesis statement is strong. 

Audience:

The audience is for everyone who interested in this  novel.

Evidence:

Actually, I think you have to put some sources to prove what your thought, use some sources to make readers more get in. Maybe you should add more examples to your essay in order to make your essay more persuasive. The requirement is must have four-five outside sources.

Meaning:

Your literary analysis essay is very thoughtful. I like your thesis statement, it is very impressive. I think  your essay is really make sense for the reader that also read the novel. It can let reader know deeply about the novel.

Structure:

The structure is very well, but I think you should work on your body paragraph. You can make your body paragraph have more detail. In addition, the requirement is 2000 words, I think you should work on it in order to achieve the requirement.

Organization:

The essay is well-organized , but I think you should add more ideas. More importantly, I really like your introduction paragraph. It make me feel very thoughtful when I first read it.

Overall thought:

Overall, you have a thoughtful analysis essay. Your essay include everything that we need to know. I like your summary of the novel.  

Peer critique for Cindy Delarosa


Yajing Zhang

Peer critique for Cindy Delarosa

Voice/Tone

Obviously, your voice is serious and informative. It feels very strong . After I read ,I can understand how this book show the blindness and the invisibility. I black and white both blindness. But they are blind in different way. The narrator is blindness because he doesn't know what happened about black people.

Audience:

The audience is for people who know the situation about black and white people conflict. This essay is for everyone who concerned and care about racism discrimination. And also, to let black people visible.

 Evidence:

Actually, you have sources to prove what your thought, but I think you should think more deeply. Maybe you should add more examples to your essay in order to make your essay more persuasive. Also, I think you should add some sources to support your opinions. The requirement is must have four-five outside sources.

Meaning:

This is an literary analysis essay. You wrote the good point about the novel. I think  you should write more idea in the essay.

Structure:

The structure is pretty good.  but I think you should work on your body paragraph. You can make your body paragraph have more detail. It is very impressive that you can analysis a novel very well. In addition, the requirement is 2000 words, I think you should work on it in order to achieve the requirement.

Organization:

The essay is well-organized , but I think you should add more ideas.

Overall thought:

Overall, you have a good analysis skill, you can analysis the novel very impressive, because it makes me feel fresh. You have very critic idea to make me feel you really thoughtful.

Analysis of The Invisible Man


Yajing Zhang

Professor Broadous

PAS 114B

25 April 2012

Analysis of The Invisible Man

              Black American author Ralph Ellison became famous for his novel "The Invisible Man". It reveals problems that the people of color have experienced in their search for responsibility, dignity, and equality in America (Ellison xx). It tells the story of a naive Southern black American seeking for his proper place in society. It is a complex work where symbols are used to explore several themes. One of which is that white Americans refuse to see blacks as a basic part of society, which renders the latter as invisible. He also suggests that all Americans must guard against the loss of their humanity ( Graham 3). The story begins with the self introduction of an invisible man. As the narrator of the story, he states that his invisibility is due not to a certain mystical cause or biochemical disaster. He is an invisible man because people are reluctant to recognize his presence because of his color (Ellison 5). His whole life seems to be a dream. People around him seem to be sleepwalkers in a dream into which he never comes into view (Ellison 13). His invisibility is both an advantage and a source of distress. It causes him doubts his existence. The realization that his attempts to be recognized always end in failure certainly pains him.

              He secretly lives underground and finds pleasure in Louis Armstrong’s jazz. The protagonist tells of his experiences of listening to this music after smoking marijuana and states that its influence, like that of marijuana, emerges from its ability to alter the sense of time of a person. He mentions that he put an end to his addiction since he believes that it decreases his ability to act, while Armstrong’s jazz drives him to act (Ellison 22). He hides himself away in his invisibility together with his also invisible music, planning his unspecified course of action (Ellison 36). The start of his tale is actually the end. He inquires who was accountable for his near-murder of the blond man who laid insult on him. Although he might have been lost in a dream world, the man eventually manipulated his so-called dream (Ellison 36). Even so, if the man summons the police, he would have to take the blame.

              The metaphors of blindness and invisibility permit an investigation of the effects of racial discrimination (Ellison 99). The white would rather not view him as a real individual because of his color. In effect, he renders himself invisible and considers his perpetrators as blind (Ellison 119). In the story of the Invisible man, racial discrimination serves as a hindrance in one’s search for his or her distinct identity in the world into which he or she is born (Ellison 119). The Invisible Man strives to attain a concept of his own identity. The protagonist becomes aware that his color makes his effort more difficult especially since he is living in a racially discriminating society. As he tries to find a definition for his identity by means of the expectations and values forced on him, he comes to a realization that, every time, the impose roles restricts his multifaceted being and compels him to perform an fake role (Ellison 124).

              The protagonist becomes involved in a practice wherein white is greatly dependent on the people of color, in particular, in the process of mixing paint tones as well as on the racial structure of the labor force (Patterson 73). Eventually, the protagonist finds that racism causes other people to view him only in the way they want to regard him, in which case, non-existent.  His ability to take action is curbed by the restricted visions of other people toward him.

      He is resolved that he is an invisible man, in as far as society is full of blind people who cannot and will rather not view his genuine character. In the same way, he is still not able to perform in accordance to his own person and is actually still not able to act as himself (Ellison 143). Even though in the beginning he accepts his invisibility in an effort to escape from the restricting nature of typecasting, ultimately, he realizes that his approach is quite passive (Ellison 143). He decides to surface from his hibernation, to deliver his personal contributions to society as a multifaceted being (Ellison 199). He will try to exercise his power beyond the prescribed roles imposed by society. Through the provocative contributions he delivers to society, he is determined to compel others to recognize the presence of values and codes of conduct past of their discriminatory expectations.

              Throughout the course of the story, the audience can find restrictions to the subject of ideology. The protagonist finds that the complex nature of his inner person is curbed not just by the racial prejudice exercised by other people toward him but also by their rather common ideologies (Salzman, Smith, and West 789). He comes to a realization that the ideologies developed by institutions are quite basic and one-dimensional to work when applied to something as multifaceted and complex as individual identity (Ellison 217).

              The story presents various manifestations of specific ideologies, such as that of the ingratiating yet subtle ideology expressed by Booker T. Washington to the more aggressive, autonomist ideology like that of Ras the Exhorter (Ellison 231). Still, the story underlines its central theme most forcefully when the subject of Brotherhood is discussed (Ellison 343).  Amongst the Brotherhood, he learned of an ideology which claims to rescue the people. In reality, it unfailingly curbs and betrays one’s freedom, though (Ellison 343). The story seems to imply that life is quite rich, very much diverse, and extremely unpredictable to be tied up carefully in a single ideology, comparable to jazz, the kind of music he is especially has a fondness for (Ellison 304). Life arrives at the peak of its splendor in times of improvisation and through the element of surprise.

              The story of the Invisible Man also presents the risk of struggling stereotype with stereotype. The protagonist is not the sole African American who has suffered the restrictions of racially prejudiced stereotyping. At the same time as he attempts to break free from the grip of discrimination on a personal level, he comes across other people of color who tries to lay down a defense tactic for their fellow African Americans. Each suggests a theory of the said correct way to be a person of color in a racially discriminating American society and attempts to give an idea as to how the people of color should behave according to their prescribed theories. The supporters of such theories deem a violation of their prescriptions as an equivalent to the betrayal of their race. In the end, though, the protagonist realizes that the prescriptions simply defy stereotype with stereotype and substitute one restricting role with the other (Ellison 473).

              In the early part of the story, the grandfather of the protagonist justifies to his grandson his belief that to be able to defy and mock racial discrimination, people of color must stress their servility to the white counterparts. Dr. Bledsoe speaks for the college where the protagonist went to (Ellison 56). Dr. Bledsoe believes that people of color can most effectively attain success by working efficiently and employing the behavior and language of their white counterparts (Ellison 59). Ras the Exhorter believes that the people of color must stand up and assume their freedom through the destruction of their white counterparts. Even though all of their concepts surfaces from within their own community, the story suggests that they finally prove to be as dangerous as their white counterpart’s racial typecasting.

              In their search for the definition of their identity inside a race in a very narrow way, the people representing their race like Ras and Bledsoe try to empower themselves (Ellison 231) .  However, in the end, they damage their own persons. Rather than discovering their individual identities, just like what the protagonist strives to do throughout the course of the story, Ras and Bledsoe deliver themselves together with their people to be subjected to prescribed roles (Ellison 201). They both regard as disloyal anyone who tries to behave contrary to their prescribed formulae. Nevertheless, as a people of color who try to curb and direct the conduct of their fellow African Americans, it is the people like Ras and Bledsoe who most severely deceive the people they claim to represent.

              Perhaps, the most significant motif in the Invisible Man is the concept of blindness, which reappears throughout the course of the story and by and large signifies how people deliberately escape from seeing and dealing with reality. The protagonist constantly remarks that the inability of other people to acknowledge what they see has compelled him to live the life of an invisible man.

      Several figures also reject to accept the truths of their own persons or that of the community where they belong, and such refusal appears time and again in the metaphor of blindness (Ellison 352). The protagonist also encounters moments of blindness, in particular, the time when he speaks to the community of the people of color under colossal, blinding lights.  In every incident presented in the story, the failure of sight is equivalent to the lack of insight.

              Since the protagonist has resolved that society is filled with people who are unable to see.  The world is full of sleepwalkers who do not and will rather not regard him as a person of worth just like them. The metaphor of blindness imparted in the story of the Invisible Man, usually told hand in hand with the metaphor of invisibility (Ellison 223). An individual appear to be invisible since the other person is blind.

              Although the story almost constantly negatively depicts the idea of blindness, it regards the idea of invisibility quite vaguely. Invisibility may cause disempowerment at the same time as it gives mobility and liberty (Ellison 304). Certainly, it is the freedom the protagonist obtains from his invisibility which allows him to narrate his tale.

              As the story nears its conclusion, the protagonist is then resolved that even though invisibility can result in safety, measures done in secrecy will not produce a significant impact to the world though. One may destabilize his opponents from a position of invisibility. However, he or she cannot cause considerable changes to society (Ellison 296). As what the protagonist in the story of the Invisible Man imparts, what matters most is to rise up and deal with reality to cause a noticeable difference to society into which they are born. He knows not if his choice to live underground has subjected him in either at the avant-garde or at the rear of social activism. He resolves to leave that issue to people like Jack as he tries to examine the lessons he learns from the very life he is living.

              As the story comes to a close, his life story comes full circle. Yet again, the story of him living underground unfolds, just as how the story begun. The recurring nature of his life together with his assertion that his hibernation is overdone, means that he stands on the brink of a new beginning.

              While he was hibernating, he examines his life lessons and tries to give meaning to his plight to be able to realize his own identity without the intervention of other people. He denies the concept that a single philosophy can represent a whole way of life; an ideal world formed in accordance to a single ideology would automatically restrict the complexity of every person, for every person represents one a strand in a multitude, and a society of individuals must necessarily mirror such diversity. At the end of the story, he remains puzzled concerning his own identity (Ellison 132). Nonetheless, he is resolved to honor his unique complexity as well as his responsibilities to the society where he belongs.

              The Invisible Man serves an eye opener to the injustices that happen in the world today.  It speaks to the audience who can relate with the protagonist or identify with the perpetrators and realize the difference. It helps the audience realize that they are living in a diverse world where the reality of co-existence must be respected. Beyond the color of the skin, each and every person deserves to be respected and valued as a person of worth.









Works Cited

Ellison, Ralph. Invisible Man. New York: Vintage International, 1995. Print.

Graham, Maryemma. Cambridge Companion to the African American Novel. Cambridge [u.a.:                    Cambridge Univ., 2004. Print.

Patterson, Lindsay. An Introduction to Black Literature in America: From 1746 to the Present.                     Cornwells Heights, PA: Publishers Agency, 1978. Print.

Salzman, Jack, David L. Smith, and Cornel West. Encyclopedia of African-American Culture and               History. New York: Macmillan Library Reference, 1996. Print

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Peer critique for Brenda Mendez


Yajing Zhang

Peer critique for Brenda Mendez

Voice/Tone

Obviously, your voice is really show in this article. It is strong though. After I read ,I can see your voice and your wishes. I also can feel you sensation about how poverty makes people more torture. Because you went the homeless shelter before, so that's why you can know their life.

Audience:

The audience is very widely around. This essay is for everyone who concerned and care about these invisible people. The audience who want help these people to be visible.

Evidence:

Actually, it is very good to explain your own feeling, but I think is too much things from yourself. Maybe you should add more examples to your essay in order to make your feeling more strong. Like, maybe you can tell some story about homeless people. Also, I think you should add some sources to support your opinions. The requirement is must have four-five outside sources.

Meaning:

It is really make sense I think, the point is you write your own feeling very deeply. After I read, I can think something about your essay, to make me very moved about what you said in the essay.

Structure:

The structure is good, but I think you should work on your thesis statement. You can make your thesis statement more accurate . It is very good that you didn't forgot " How space defines people." You wrote a lot about how space defines people, that is very impressive. In addition, the requirement is 1200 words, I think you should write more about your homeless shelter experiences

Organization:

The essay is well-organized , but make sure that make it clear to let readers know body paragraphs. The body paragraphs is kind of fall apart. Write more about what is bad side and what is good side.

Overall thought:

Overall, your essay has emotion I think, because it makes me impressive after I read it. I cannot forget what your feeling about poverty. I think you should focus more on homeless people, write more about them, like, to describe them dresses and their feeling.

Peer critique for Cindy Delarosa


Yajing Zhang

Peer critique for Cindy Delarosa

Voice/Tone

I can see your voice in your article, but it is not that strong. You have to make your article more stronger and make readers agree with you. It seems that you explain your opinion more than facts, so you might write more to proof your voice in order to let your essay more powerful.

Audience:

The audience is for everyone around the world who want to take care of invisible children. The article is for children who went through this injured.

 Evidence:

You have to provide more facts to show how bad the situation in Uganda. Also, you should talk more background about this event- KONY 2012. I think readers might want to know what kinds of things do Uganda children have been through. How does Kony forces children? What cruel things does Kony did? How can these children become children solider? SO, provide more evidence to make readers believe.

Meaning:

This article is meaningful, but I think it should be more impressive. After I read, I thought you should write something that really moved.

 Structure:

The basic structure is good, but the requirement is 1200 words. I think you should improve your details in order to reach the requirement. In addition, this essay doesn't have any sources. The requirement is this essay must utilize four-five outside sources. So, find some sources to support your essay.

Organization:

The essay is well-organized. There has a really good point is you related to a novel called << Invisible Man>>. Making these two together is really creative.  

Overall thought:

Overall, this is an exploratory essay that needs more details to provide. Also, make sure that you provide more background information. You did a great job to show how does space define the occupant.

Child Soldiers, the Invisible Children (Rough draft)


Yajing Zhang

Professor Broadous

PAS 114B

March 19, 2012

Child Soldiers, the Invisible Children

              If a child goes missing in the United States, the police are notified and then issue an Amber Alert. Radio stations begin broadcasting descriptions, while TV stations flash pictures of the abducted. Billboards along roads flash important information regarding the abduction. The police move out with helicopters and cars, and the Army National Guard may even be called in.  Everything is put into operation to bring a child home to its family. Meanwhile, they go after the abductor to put him or her behind bars, so he or she cannot harm any other child. In contrast, in another part of the world, 30,000 children have been abducted in the past 18 years in Uganda.  Many families have lost at least one child, or their villages have been attacked and destroyed by an army of abducted children known as The Lord’s Resistance Army (Beah). Children there live in fear of being recruited, and after serving their time, they are psychologically traumatized. In addition, they are more likely to be killed because of the war. Thus, the use of child soldiers in Uganda destroys the children's childhoods and future.

              This situation is first caused by the Ugandan government. The corrupt Amin government in Uganda directly led his opposition’s abduction and exploitation of child soldiers. The Ugandan government ran mostly by Idi Amin fell into such a deep financial crisis that when other countries would send in food and money, the government would not spread its wealth to the country’s population(Brown). Instead the outside aid that was given only made the corrupt government even stronger. Idi Amin was known to be corrupt and incapable of maintaining a successful economy. He bribed all of his men with luxury items such as alcohol and expensive gifts without sharing the rest of his wealth with his people (Briggs, 70). Idi Amin was known for taking money from public projects and giving it to his military commanders. In an act of racism, Idi Amin ordered 50,000 Asian shop owners to be expelled from Uganda. Factories and businesses crumbled and Idi Amin's arms trafficking industry collapsed( Beah). Britain, America, and Israel started to support Amin by giving military training for Ugandan troops so that they could stabilize the region. The international community ignored the previous acts of his military repression, thinking that Amin could bring peace and Democracy to Uganda (Beah). Instead, Idi Amin used the military training the Western forces provided to enforce his total control over Uganda and take over the northern Acholi tribes which he thought were planning to overthrow him. (Brown). Therefore, this caused many Ugandans to rebel. It first started out as peaceful protest, but as matters, got worse the protests only became deadlier. Soon leaders from tribes like Joseph Kony started to form rebel groups trying to overthrow the government. After several failed attempts, Kony and his people began to get more desperate so they resorted to the use of child soldiers (Briggs, 89). At first the government believed that the use of child soldiers would not be a problem, but as Kony and the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA) became more and more powerful the government only became weaker and weaker (Beah).

              Ugandan Children live in fear of being recruited. The families have to live their lives as nomads because of their constant fear that the rebels might raid their villages. Each night in northern Uganda, tens of thousands of terrified children leave their villages at dusk and walk into neighboring towns to avoid being kidnapped by the Lord's Resistance Army (Briggs, 74). Loving parents reluctantly send their children away every night. (Browne). They seek refuge overnight in churches, hospitals, bus stations and temporary shelters. Early the following morning, children have to walk miles in order to head home or go to school. Almost every family in the Acholi and Lango areas has been affected. Meanwhile children in Gulu and Lira cannot even be reached by aid workers for basic health care because they fear being attacked by the LRA (Beah, 47).

              Those children are lucky in some ways because they sleep away from the rebels. Once they are recruited by the rebels, they will never be the same again. Child soldiers live short lives because their exposure to war increases their chances of getting killed. "Children ten years old are taught to kill, often beginning with their own families. Other child soldiers are killed while others are commanded to kill in order to stay alive" (Beah, 3). The countryside is virtually empty from people having moved into "safe" villages that are supposed to be protected by the government which does not always happen. People are not able to leave their homes without having to fear the rebels. Commerce has vanished, villages have been burned down, and children grow up without a future. This conflict has been going on for 18 years with no solution in sight. This war is extremely brutal because Joseph Kony’s army recruits young boys by abducting them from villages and schools of northern Uganda. Kony’s older child recruits assault and force newly recruited child soldiers to commit atrocities on fellow abductees and even siblings (Beah,  36). Thousands of children have been robbed of their childhood. At night, the children of the north flee into towns to sleep, fearing that they might be abducted. When the LRA commanders run out of weapons or food, they send their child soldiers to raid nearby villages and are told to leave no survivors. Often before raids, the children receive drugs to numb their pain. While the child soldiers fight, the LRA leaders just watch because they feel their lives are far more valuable than any of the children’s. The army abducts children and put them in the front lines of its army, ordering them to return to their villages and kill their neighbors, friends and parents (Browne). If they are lucky enough to survive, the children return to their communities with injuries and severe trauma. Although many may believe that Ugandans would still be struggling even if there weren’t a civil war the terror brought by the Lord’s Resistance Army has had the most devastating psychological effect on Uganda’s people (Briggs, 65).

              The exploitation of child soldiers by the rebels is a never-ending story of children being abducted and killed (Beah). Young children are ripped away from their families and turned into killing machines. Uganda’s children are being forced to kill instead of enjoying a normal childhood of laughter and dreams. While this is happening, the corrupt government continues to spend the financial aid it receives from other countries only on its officials. In northern Uganda, there is no Amber alert, no police or help, only the silence of another town or school being raided while children are taken (Brown). Is there a solution? This is what thousands of innocent Ugandans ask themselves everyday. Solutions that propose to minimize the violence in Uganda range from military options to peaceful movements (Beah). Although none of them have yet ended the use of child soldiers, other people still need to contribute these child soldiers and their families by giving relief, food and shelter. Most importantly, people need to make them believe that they are cared by this world, and they are not invisible.

Works Cited

Beah, Ishmael. A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier. Waterville, ME: Thorndike, 2007.          Print.

Beah, Ishmael. "The Making, and Unmaking, of a Child Soldier." Nytimes.com. The New                      York Times, 14 Jan. 2007. Web. 19 Mar. 2012.                                                                                                                                 <http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/14/magazine/14soldier.t.html?pagewanted=

              1&_r=1&ei=5089&en=18db63db3854257e&ex=1326430800&partner=

              rssyahoo&emc=rss&adxnnlx=?>.

Browne, L. Dallas. “Sierra Leone: Lasting Peace or a Cruel Mirage?” History Behind the                                     Headlines: The Origins of Conflicts Worldwide. Ed. Sonia G. Benson.

              Vol. 4. Detroit: Gale Group, 2002. Student Resource Center – Gold. Thomson Gale.                             Alameda Free Library. 19 April. 2008.

              <http://find.galegroup.com/srcx/retrieve>

Briggs, Jimmie. Innocents Lost: When Child Soldiers Go to War. New York: Basic, 2005. Print.

Grossman, Lev. "Pop Culture Finds Lost Boys." Time. Time, 02 Feb. 2007. Web. 19 Mar. 2012.           <http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0%2C9171%2C1584807%2C00.html>.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


Yajing Zhang

Peer critique for Brenda Mendez

Voice/Tone

This article has strong voice helps the article make every word count. The most important thing is really help her article to grab readers' attention and establish a relationship with them. The author use a pleasant narrative voice. I this article, I read some parts that are really impressive because her sometimes euphemism and sometimes sharp-pointed. Even though it is a narrative essay, I still can feel the humorous. Ex:"Their relationship was a "Peanut Butter and Jelly relationship." It is very visualize and vivid description.

Audience:

There is no specific audience. It is for general audience.The writer alter the organization of ideas, language, or overall tone to best fit that audience.

Evidence:

In the article, there are a lot of dialog to provided. It should be supported by external evidence that can be cited. The author uses a great variety of dialogs to show the evidence in the story.

Meaning:

The author narrated the story very well. It is very easy and clear to understand the meaning of the story. Also, the last paragraph is really shows what the meaning is.

Structure:

The plot, character, conflict, setting, style are completely appeared in the essay.The introduction described the details about the characters, plot is on flowing rhythm, characters are vivid, setting is clearly, climax is attracts readers, and conclusion is very impressible.

Organization:

The essay is well-organized and capture the reader's interest.The essay is essentially a story about something that happened and solved. The author gives sufficient details about the people, place, and events so that the reader gets a clear idea of how the author feels about them. In the essay, the author "motivated" and Scottie " begin to cry." These words indicate the scenario is very cool.In the final paragraph of the essay, the author reflects on the larger meaning and importance of the experience described.

Overall thought:

Overall, this is a nice narrative essay. The main points of this draft organized in a logical way. The author knows to be skillful in scenery portrayal, story narration, emotion expression and the use of smooth flow of the language.